At the time of writing this I have completed my commitments as a location runner on, "World War Z". Now I'm not really allowed to talk about the filming process in any great detail here which is just as well because I saw the inside of bathrooms more than I saw happenings on set. For the uninitiated the locations unit is to ensure that the the cast and crew are happy little bunnies. So if you work in locations you have to start before everyone else and finish after everyone else. This means very little sleep and a grumpy Colin. So before I go on I'd like to apologise to anyone I may have offended while I was working on this. I pissed a few people off, some even unintentionally due to early morning/mentally exhausted texting. That's what happens when you are getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night though. I'm a creature of habit and I miss the consistency of 8 hour sleeps every night.
Back on topic, so what exciting things did I do? Well my daily responsibility involved going around the businesses and assisting with deliveries and taking out the trash to designated pick up points. This was sold to me as a big responsibility, by the locations heads. I can smell B.S. a mile away and quite frankly would have respected them more if they said, "we know it's pish but someone's got to do it.". I've worked minimum wage most of my life I know the deal by now so don't insult my intelligence. Other duties included litter picks, water runs, lifting tables, chairs, fencing, etc. and my personal favourite... toilet cleaning. The lifting stuff I am fine with. In fact I never expected to actually feel in better shape after this job than before it. I feel great and look the most ripped I've been in years. The toilet cleaning was a real eye opener though. It was everything you'd expect but the real shocker was how fucking disgusting the ladies loos were. Oh my god! Ladies I'm only saying this once, toilets flush for a reason. I suggest you take advantage of that because I don't like fishing out jobby lumps with a toilet brush. Boke!
Anyway I might as well tell everyone what they want to know. Yes I saw Brad Pitt. He looked like the guy in the movies. Was I impressed? Nope. Perhaps I'm just a jaded old man, which I am, but the whole celebrity thing just doesn't do it for me. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Brad personally. I don't even know him. I do however have a real problem how media spin puts so much importance on guys like him. He is no better than me or you and contributes far less to society than our scientists and doctors yet media manipulation convinces us that we should be fascinated by him. Our priorities are totally all wrong. The stories I kept reading on my 30 minutes a day down time were full of inaccuracies and some were downright false. Then there were the paps. These people are the vermin of the photographic world, with their lenses that looked like WMD's and their fucking attitude. The fact that they are paid many times what I made for taking shitty photos of a bloke who pretends for a living is downright offensive to me. That's the world we live in, I guess.
Okay so I think I have bitched enough. Now the good parts of the experience. First of all catering was fucking awesome. I ate so much good shit. Chicken, beef, pork, even shark all tasted amazing. If only I actually had the time to savour the food properly. 20 minute lunches just don't work for me. The craft area (or as I like to call it, the magic grotto) was also awesome. Smoothies, soft drinks, panini's, sweeties. I always made sure that I was in the vicinity of it on a regular basis. The amount of swag I came away with was insane. I even went to the lengths of making trips with a black bin bag to stock up home base for after the final day of filming. I was popular with the boys that day. Unfortunately night shift security got their grubby mitts in and ravaged it over night. Bastards.
A tonne of funny moments happened over the course of the 3 weeks but my favorite had to be my encounter with the italian stallion. I was checking passes at home base when this confused looking balding man tried to casually walk by. He claimed to be an "actor" and said, "I'm in movie". I told him that the building was for extras and that he is in the wrong place. He kept insisting so I went and got one of the AD's to deal with the dude. He kept rambling on about being an "actor" and that he was friends with an actor in the film. They ask him to write down who the actor is because his English was very broken. He wrote down Angelina Jolie. RUMBLED! The AD's told him that she wasn't in the film and asked him to leave. The AD's left and I continued to stand guard, trying not to laugh. The guy stared on, confused, before storming off angry. I then joined the extras who were already buckled over in laughter. It's crazy the lengths some dirty wee men will go to in order to have a perv on a "beautiful person"
The most important positive of the whole experience was the people. The team of runners we had were a great bunch of guys and by the end we were an awesome team. Some of the location assistants and catering folk were also bang on and I'd work with them any time. I'd like to give a shout out to the guys and wish them all the best in the future and I hope that they keep in touch. If you want to hang out in the next couple of weeks there is this gig on the 16th at the Classic Grand with a band I seldom mention, called Attica Rage. Unsurprisingly I'll be filming them. I hope to see as many of you as possible there and hopefully we can catch up at the after party.
As well as the runners and some of the location assistants I also got along with most of the day time security. I'd often grab them a coffee or share my swag that I plundered from the magic grotto. There was one in particular I feel like I hit it off with and took a fancy to. She was the cutest most unlikely looking security guard I've ever seen. A really friendly personality and an interesting person too. Since pretty much any female I am attracted to reduces me to the level of a silly wee boy I pulled out iota of charm I possess and amped up the niceness and brought her stuff from craft whenever I was passing by. I even bought her lunch when she was through on her day off. Unfortunately, I kind of fucked up with some of the fore-mentioned early morning texting and have probably ruined any chance of their being any more than just friendship between us. It's a shame but I never learn to keep my insecurities to myself. You know as cheesy as it sounds the 'italian stallion' and everyone else can have Angelina, I'd rather have my wee security guard. It's a shame I won't.
Life goes on, as they say. Time to move forward and get ready for the Attica gig in under 2 weeks.